Today we are excited because we have a guest post from Alex Wise a featured publisher of Loveawake.com. He is a recognized expert on love, marriage and relationships and he is amazing. He has shared with us how to compliment a girl. Complimenting a person you’re romantically interested in can sometimes be tricky business. We hope you learn more and enjoy the reading as we did.
There has been a lot of discussion the last few years about seduction and picking up women. The practice usually involves what are referred to as “negs” or backhanded compliments. Here are two examples:
“I usually like ethnic women but for you I might make an exception.” (to a white girl)
“You look like my dad… but he’s really very handsome!”*
It’s the equivalent of being an Indian Giver: you hand the romantic interest something nice and then symbolically take it back by first diminishing it.
Pick-up artists use it because it is a way of putting romance on the table while indicating that you’re just not that interested. Another Indian Give. Maybe if the woman tried harder or was in some way better, she’d be more viable…
This instantly spikes demand which creates sexual tension and attraction where none may have before existed.
Of course, there are men simply blow past the boundaries of respect and directly insult women. For some, this works like a charm. The slightest hint we may not be wanted makes many women cling tighter. For the abuser, genuine insults can be a form of relationship glue.
For those looking for an emotionally healthy way to ensure a closer bond with a new or ongoing match, I recommend compliments. Though women may be suspicious and guarded about flattery, and generally take it quite poorly, a well-timed and genuine compliment can do wonders to break down barriers.
Here are the basics every man should consider when enlisting flattery to woo:
1) Subtlety is key
Some men drop compliments like the A-bomb on Hiroshima. Doing this makes the woman feel uncomfortable, even harassed, and makes the man look insincere and desperate. Bide your time, pay close attention and be real. Even if it means stuttering.
2) Tell a pretty girl she’s interesting / smart and tell a smart girl she’s pretty.
Both are tired of being praised for the obvious.
3) Identify a less noticeable physical feature or personality quirk and find a way to compliment it.
Does she have a weird hair cut? Does she wear a unique piece of jewelry? Does she play with her ears? Pay close attention to what makes her different and then subtly share it with her in a positive light. It shows that you’re paying close attention, which is in itself flattering, and it may stop her in her tracks. (I don’t know how many men have gotten just a little more of my time by complimenting my flaws.)
4) Only say it if you mean it
There is a reason the word genuine is used so many times above… Receiving a compliment sends up a red flag for most women, leaving them defensive and critical of your motives. It does not take much to detect a lack of authenticity, especially when receiving compliments, which makes a genuine compliment like an oasis in a vast desert. So, if you don’t mean it, please don’t bother! False flattery only makes it harder for the next guy.
5) Take a genuine interest in her.
This is the greatest compliment you can give any person. Look into her eyes, focus on her, close your energy in around her like a protective envelope. If she lets you, touch her. Take the time and energy to really focus and connect. Bathe in her energy and I guarantee you that you will be remembered.
“A compliment is verbal sunshine” – Robert Orben